Songs for Break Ups: Men vs. Women

A while back, my friend was going through a tough break up and asked me to put together a playlist for her of breakup songs. I went through my entire itunes library (thousands of songs) and compiled a playlist of 100 or so songs. I found songs about regret, songs about revenge, lost love, the celebration of single life, infidelity, sadness, longing, and so on. Going through my entire song library took a few hours, and I was so proud of the result, that I added the playlist to my ipod to play in my car. It took a few car trips to get through the entire list, but once I did, I realized something:

Most of these songs were written and sung by men about the women they have lost.

Even Elton John, an open homosexual, sings about a woman rather than a man in his song "Tiny Dancer" (singing ,"blue jean baby, L.A. lady, seamstress for a band...) An exception is when Thom Yorke from Radiohead sings about what appears to be another male in "High and Dry" (addressing who he sings to as "boy").

There are a few women musicians who do appear on my playlist, but they are in the minority. Included is Sheryl Crow singing "Strong Enough", "My Favorite Mistake" and "If It Makes You Happy", as well as Beyonce singing about the joys of being single in "Single Ladies." The Indigo Girls also appear, in the song "Blood and Fire".

Even after a break up with a man, I wonder why I seem to take comfort in, connect with, and enjoy more male singers than female. I can safely say that most of the bands in my itunes are lead by men. Even though I have always been attracted to men who can play an instrument or write songs, a lot of the music I listen to sincerely has nothing to do with that - I don't even know what some of the artists I enjoy look like and I truly do just enjoy their music. I wouldn't dare say that men can write or sing better than women, because I know that isn't true. Is it just that there are less successful female musicians? I know that the music business is mostly dominated by men.

When I spent the summer networking, I met with a few women who told me that they were excited another female was trying to make it in the music world since most companies and businesses in the field are lead by middle-aged men who don't necessarily have a grasp on current or "hip" music. I didn't even realize that women were in the minority until I was told that. Being a woman has never been something that I've needed to "struggle through" or "get past" in order to find success. Perhaps attending a women's college helped, but more importantly, I've always loved music, and I let that knowledge steer my path. I never let the fact that I am a woman in a male-dominated profession stand in my way because I never even once considered it something to worry about.

Although none appeared on my break up mix (although now that I think about it, they very well should have), three bands that I immediately think of with female leads and male back-up musicians are Garbage, Blondie, and The Pretenders. I could have easily put Garbage's song "Special" in the playlist, which very closely resembles any song Chrissie Hynde from The Pretenders has written and sung. Debby Harry from Blondie embraced the punk scene of the 1970's, also seemingly dominated by men, and continues to make music to this day, while the men in her band sing the backup vocals to her lyrics. On the rap/hip-hop end, Fergie leads the otherwise male cast of the group The Black Eyed Peas, and rap music is another example of a genre made up mostly of men. However, because I am not a huge rap fan, I did not include Black Eyed Peas in this itunes mix. Let's also not forget about all-female rock groups like The Runaways (arguably the first all-woman rock band), Heart, or The Donnas, although unfortunately none of these bands appear on my playlist either.

I'm not sure if I have an answer as to why I seem to connect more to male musicians, as evidenced in my playlist of break-up songs. Maybe women, for fear of being "sappy" and "emotional", have started bands to show how tough they are by how hard they can rock, whereas male musicians don't fear being labeled these terms because they know that once they start a band, "women will fall head-over-heels for them." Even I admitted earlier that I fall for a guy who can play a guitar. This begs an entirely different question: do men fall just as hard for women who play guitars?

All I know is, if I were going through a break up, even if I did listen to some hard-hitting revenge songs, the slow, teary, sad songs would resonate more with me, because I would take comfort in crying my eyes out for a few weeks or so. Eventually, I would become a tough girl again, shouting and yelling to all of those who have wronged me, and that's when I would make a new playlist: "songs from women you don't want to mess with."